Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Do you have what it takes?

When I was going to school I was constantly being recruited by some of the big companies out there. I interviewed with Citigroup, Price & Waterhouse, and many others.

I was invited to interview in Austin, Dallas, and Grand Rapids, Michigan. Most of the companies go through recruiters and so you work directly with their human resources department.

However, another way that was becoming increasingly popular was to hire a recruiting firm. This way they can outsource the recruiting aspect and have someone who specialize in an area find talented candidates. Recruiters from A.E. Feldman and Associates do just that. They find some of the greatest talent in the business and then market them to your company. Many candidates are tested and interviewed before they are actually shown to the company. This of course, saves everyone time and money in the long run.

A.E. Feldman and Associates specializes in: financial and risk management services, legal and legal support services, communications and technology, human resources consulting, and luxury products recruiting.

Back on the Zennie.

Since, we've started trying to have a baby this summer I've gained TONS of weight! I lost a total of 75lbs before trying in June and I was at an all time 7 year low.

Then after our trip to Las Vegas I had gained 15 pounds and it all went downhill from there. Of course, during the most recent pregnancy I gained another 15 and so now I'm up total 30 pounds.

So, I've decided to get back on the "fat pills" Xenical. They are a prescription "fat blocker" and had some pretty ill side effects which include the scoots and oily coming from your butt. Not to mention HORRIBLE gas. The first few weeks your on them the effects are harsh -- but after awhile I think you get used to it and don't overestimate your bowels!

I'm actually going to stop the xenical once I get my period because that will be the beginning of my cycle. PLUS...I've started eating better ... so there should be no need for the Xennie.

Now, I really want to shed the 30lbs! Cause hopefully, that'd be how much I'd gain when I'm pregnant!

Just to be fair...

I ranted about one of my good friends a few weeks ago and I've been bad about posting a followup. My friend ended up writing me that evening and apologizing for being so insensitive in her email. She also ended up calling and saying she was sorry.

I know she didn't mean to be mean or insensitive I just couldn't deal with hearing someone complain about being sick from morning sickness.

I think at this point though --- I'm much better and although, I still can't hear someone complain about being pregnant...I'm probably not as hypersensitive and feel like I can at least talk to her about being pregnant.

I think I want an apple...

Computer that is!

Margot's brother, Dennis, has a MacBook and it's so cool. It has a built in camera and I like that it's light, has tons of features, and the cost is affordable.

One website that's very helpful and offers great discounts and cash back offers is ebates. They currently offer an apple 1% cash back discount where you can use at the Apple Store! They also have other special Apple offers on their website that you can take advantage of including: free shipping and savings on computers

Hey, every little bit counts! Especially, when you're spending $1,200 or so!

Why didn't I ask Santa for a computer?

Oh where, oh where is Aunt Flo?

Well, she showed up for Margot today --- but I have yet to get my period! It's been over 4 weeks since the miscarriage and I've read that it typically takes 4-6 weeks before your period shows up.

I was told to call CNY Fertility February 1st if I had not gotten my period but I think I just want to let nature take it's course. Or at least give it a few weeks to get here. Then I'll start Prometrium and get it going.

I've been pretty tired lately and very hungry - so maybe that's my period trying to get here!

Waiting for PayPerPost!

I submitted my blog a little early for PayPerPost and got denied because it was too early. Most recently I submitted it and I still haven't heard back from them for my approval to start posting paid posts!

AUGH! I need to make some money - and soon!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Baby Showers.

I know that I'll have to go to some baby showers in the future and I really think that with time I'll be ready. I think I'm already feeling better about having friends that are pregnant and I'm ready to talk about things with them.

Perhaps it was actually being able to move forward for myself or the fact that I'm no longer bleeding and miscarrying.

So many times this weekend I saw so many cute things that I wanted to get for our friend's baby shower...but I decided not to.

I actually came across this website and I can actually buy baby gifts there. They have some great personalized baby gifts and also offer cute rompers, hats, and other really cute gifts.

Advise.

It seems like I can always get everyone pregnant - except for myself. Our friends were on insemination #5. I suggested doing prometrium and then baby asprin. What do you know #5 worked!

Most recently my friend K did an IUI and I just knew it would work for her. She had tried IUIs and IVF in the past and nothing worked. She also had unexplained infertility. They did an injectible IUI and for some reason I just knew it would work.

Well, this morning I got the call - it worked and she found out this morning she's pregnant.

As I was driving to pick up the dog at the vet I received a call from one of my past employees, Rosie. She had a miscarriage back in February of last year and since has not been able to get pregnant - despite doing Clomid. It appears like she's not ovulating and she's going to the local OB/GYN. I ended up telling her how she's not suppose to be on Clomid more than 2 cycles because it messes up her lining and how she should really schedule an appointment with CNY Fertility.

Now, I just need to get myself pregnant!

Any suggestions?

Mama tired.

I have been so tired lately and although I feel at times like I'm getting my period. NOTHING.

Where in the hell is that period of mine? I'd like her to visit and make her rounds and then not show her ugly face for the next 10 months.

It's only 6:50pm and I'm ready for bed. Of course, I have American Idol at 8:00pm so I've got to stay up at least until then!

Monday, January 29, 2007

Flowahs!

These past few days have been pretty good and since my birthday we've had a house full of flowers! Margot, Lydia, and Jen C all bought beautiful flowers for me! I love having flowers all around - but hate to see them die!

The good thing is since, I started my diet, however, chocolates are no longer on my A list!

DotFlowers offers a wide variety of beautiful and specialty flowers, delicious gift baskets and the price is right! They can deliver same day delivery and the great thing about them is that they chose to go through local flower delivery places - so you know the flowers and food are fresh. They are devoted to providing a quality product at a price that is affordable for your budget.

Check’em out! *hint*hint*

Bye bye Uncle Den

Uncle Den left late last night, he had to go back to work! Grammy was so sad, and it marked the end of our mini-reunion. We luckily are staying here through around lunchtime on Monday.

We found that leaving shortly after lunch is the best time for Grammy--she's in a good mood and then falls asleep for nap pretty easily. That's what we did on Friday, and Grammy did pretty well. I think it was good for me too--I wasn't too stressed out about getting in too late, since we left so early.

Not looking forward to hitting the road today--it looks like it snowed!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

The big "O"?

Today is 4 weeks and 3 days past my miscarriage and I have a feeling I might have ovulated. I don't know if I'm right --- but I was feeling some twinges earlier and then I had cervical mucus this afternoon.

The good thing about that is that I should get my period in 2 weeks and then we can start up again.

Finally, I feel like I'm able to move forward.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Hittin' the beach!

This has already been one hell of a year. We've lost a baby and now Margot's dad's been diagnosed with cancer.

We really need a vacation. I'd love an all inclusive family vacation.

It feels like over the past few months we've been focused so much on getting pregnant and having a baby that we've forgot about being kind to ourselves and just taking a needed break and getting away!

I'd love to go somewhere sunny that has cold drinks and a warm beach and of course daycare for Grammy!

When we went to the Carribean it was so much fun and we loved the hotel, food, fun, beach, and all the fun water stuff available.

Butt nekkid

As I write, Grammy is running around the house without a diaper OR panties! She's refusing to wear any undergarments, and was wearing her pajama pants commando-style for a little while.

She's said "poop" a couple of times, but hasn't actually gone. I don't think she's quite ready to poop in the toilet--she always asks for a diaper and then poops in it within seconds! We think this is a much better alternative to her restraining her poops and becoming impacted, especially given her constipation/withholding issues of the past.

American Idol?!?

We're watching Tuesday's American Idol, and it never fails to baffle me why these people think they can sing! Their friends and family must not love them.

We watched Wednesday's Idol in realtime--and what a bunch of nuts! There was one girl--Sarah Greenberg or Sternberg or something--who was truly certifiable. She had a breakdown right on the show! She had intended to become the first American Idol who could not sing. She planned to be taught to sing! And then she lost it when they told her to go away, and started screaming at the camera post-audition. I really hope all these people see themselves on TV, and get the help they need....

Only 19 more days til Valentine's Day!

The best thing about having my birthday in January is that it's basically a constant party from Christmas through Valentine's Day! Margot always gets me perfume, or flowers--one year (the year we were most employed, of course) she got me a Skagen watch! But what I'd really like is one of those Valentines gift baskets--you know how much I love food, wine and chocolate!

GourmetGiftBaskets.com has both custom and pre-designed gift baskets filled with gourmet chocolates, nuts, wines and fruit--you name it!

I'm getting hungry just looking at the website. Of course so much for my diet...hmm..where are those fat pills at when I need them?!

Grammy's first parent-teacher conference!

We met with Grammy's teachers today for her first parent-teacher conference. It was pretty straightforward, no surprises. In fact, we mostly had a fun little chit-chat with Julie and Laurie! They even gave us a little writeup showing all the progress she's making, both socially and developmentally. God we love IC3!

The only thing that we noted is that she still acts a little differently when she's at school, and it's no surprise. She tends to be more reserved with both the teachers and kids--like they didn't know that she knows all her colors, types of clothing, etc. She also doesn't really stand up for herself when she gets picked on by another kid. All in all we can tell that she's starting to find her way because she's started saying "NO!" to her teachers!

And we live in upstate New York because why??

So when Marg got home from work today, she immediately ran to the shed to dig out the snowblower. Of course, it was packed way in the back behind the lawn tractor, which she tried to start, without success. She even phoned me at the house to ask how to do it--since she never mows the lawn and has no idea how it even works! I had to go out there, and we both pushed it out--without gloves in 15 degree weather!

We finally got the tractor back into the shed, and pushed the snowblower all the way back to the house. We plugged it in (an electric start) and primed it and everything, and the damn thing wouldn't start! Marg went back to the shed and poured new gas in it, and it still wouldn't turn over. We gave up on it and ate dinner.

I went out to get stuff out of the car and gave it a try--and after a few minutes it kicked in and started! By this point, Marg had already shoveled the driveway--there's a winter storm warning in effect for tonight, and it's supposed to drop to -5 degrees.

So I ask again, why do we live here??!??

Down with the law

Luckily for us, we have not had to engage the services of an attorney many times in our lives--just for our wills, power of attorney, living wills, health care proxies, and most currently, our second-parent adoption for Grammy. In other words, just to protect the rights already afforded to heterosexual couples.

In the past, we've needed advice on real estate issue--our neighbors were getting a zoning variance for an oversized garage they decided to build within the zone-required setback, in an already undersized parcel. If we had known that the local zoning board of appeals was going to be a bunch of pushovers, we might have consulted with a firm like Simmons Jannace & Stagg, a firm that specializes in real estate, zoning and land use law. Maybe then we could keep our neighbors from building on our property!

Grammy loves her Uncle Den Den

It's so great to see that Grammy loves her Uncle Den Den. She mentions his name daily and when we tell her he's coming or we're going to see him she gets so excited and she doesn't forget!

When he left Sunday she seemed sad and then we woke up Monday morning and she asked where Uncle Den Den was. I reminded her that he had to go back home. She didn't believe me and actually ran downstairs to see if he was in his room.

Too bad he doesn't live closer. But we're happy that he doesn't live in California!

Wii!

We have actually been taking some what of a break from the Wii over the past week. Margot's played Zelda a few times but other than that...we've been wiiless!

I did rent the game Wario Ware and that was actually pretty fun. It utilized the wii-mote and nunchuck well and was actually challenging. Of course, I got stuck when you had to do some of the tasks using both wii-mote and nunchuck at the same time.

We're going to bring the Wii with us to NYC and I'm sure we'll get hooked again!

Places to live...

At one point when we were thinking of where we wanted to live we considered San Francisco and Austin. Back in 2000 or so we decided to move to San Francisco. We went out there - both got jobs and started looking for housing.

At that point the dot coms were the hottest thing and really driving the whole economy out there. When we looked we'd be paying about $1,500 and that would be for a studio apartment!

After coming back to Ithaca we started getting moving quotes from the local moving companies and then started working on our housing resume! A few weeks after we had everything lined up -- Margot's job with SWA got rescinded!

We decided just to stay put in Ithaca, buy a house, and have babies!

One city that's also very metropolitan and seems gay friendly is Boston. We would have probably been interested in Boston Condos. I think condos really offer the best of both worlds. Nice living space and sometimes the costs are cheaper than owning and maintaining a house.

Boston Condo Company offers a great website and a full set of listings for people looking to move to the Boston area. You can see pictures and even contact an agent via email or phone.

Tom and Jerry!

Okay, it's 8:00pm on a Thursday night. All of the good TV is on right now and in the next few hours and we are sitting here watching T&J. That's right Tom and Jerry!

I just can't believe how damn violent it all is! Doesn't Tom ever get to eat Jerry without him popping out and knocking Tom's teeth out?

I've also noticed some racial overtones! The big, black, maid that spanks Tom's butt?

Niiiiice!

Wishy washy

We've gone back and forth on what we are doing this weekend! It looks like plans have been cleared up and we are going to New York City to see Margot's family. Her Aunt Delia and Lupe will be in town staying with Margot's dad.

We are going to stay with Margot's brother. Mostly, because Margot's dad's place isn't the cleanest - plus, it sounds like it's going to be pretty crowded with everyone!

*cough*cough*

Thank God, you don't hear that sound in our house this weekend! We're getting ready to head to New York City and this is the first time in a while that we haven't had a cold or the stomach bug!

When Margot or me gets sick - it’s hell. Most of the time the cold starts with Grammy's daycare, then she gets it, then a week or so later - we get it.

We are both pretty bad at taking care of each other and neither of us have a tolerance for moaning and groaning - nor vomit.

Maybe what I should do because I’m not that best at taking care of sick loved ones is to send them Get well flowers!

I must admit it’s been great having so many fresh flowers around the house. I received flowers from Margot, Lydia, and Jen C for my birthday and they are all over the house. So on a snowy day I just look in any direction and see beautiful bouquets!

Flowers from flowershop.com offer fresh deliveries from local florists and their prices seem really affordable.

This is a great thing to keep in mind - especially when one of us gets sick!

Beautiful.

I really must say "I have a beautiful life." I love everything about it. I love waking up to a beautiful, healthy and smart daughter and it's been so much fun doing that with a loving partner.

Today I was at TJ Maxx and I saw this power suit that i would have totally loved to have just 3 years ago. I was sad for about 2 seconds because it was such a nice suit and I used to love the feeling of dressing up and looking nice. But I also smiled and looked in the cart at Grammy.

At the time she was picking her nose and instantly eating her boogers...but I feel like although, I don't have the stellar paycheck anymore and buying powersuits. I get to spend time with my child. Take her to the potty 10 times every hour, clean up pee pee on the floor, clean the house, but most of all -- I get to watch her grow into a person.

I can't help but think I'm doing something so much more important than contributing to corporate America.

A snowy Thursday

Right now it is 4:48 and Grammy's taking her nap and I'm just looking out the window at the beautiful snow. It seems to be coming down so fast and it's so nice.

Of course, I might be cursing it out sometime tomorrow when we're trying to travel and get out of town to go to the city -- but for now I'll just enjoy it.

Or at least until the kid wakes up!

*Vroom*Vroom*BLUMP*

That's the sound of our old boat engine after we ran over a bed of rocks in the marina! Margot and me were absolutely awful at navigating and driving the boat.

We never caught *the big one*

At one point (pre-Grammy) we owned a boat and used to fish on Cayuga Lake. During the two summers that we had our little boat we coat *maybe* two fish and about twenty colds!

Our boat wasn’t anything special just a little aluminum thing with a small motor. We were constantly drooling over the cool bass boats and even the regular all around Bayliners that are out there.

One thing that might have helped our fishing aside from us being city girls - is a fish finder! Cayuga Lake is a pretty big lake and can be quite deep in places.

Raymarine offers everything and anything you might need for your fishing adventures and are the top brand for fish finders. Northeast Marine Electronics they have tons of name brand fishing equipment. Everything from Raymarine to Hummingbird.

The great thing about their website and online store is that I can pay with paypal!!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Today.

Today I was teaching and had a huge blood clot pass. Of course, I didn't realize it until I had gone to the bathroom and realized.

I just want this to be OVER. God, how much more can I possibly bleed?

The good thing is that my beta is back down to zero and I know HOPEFULLY - within 2 weeks my period will start and we can start back up on trying to get pregnant.

It just sucks that we have to start this all over...

Saturday, January 20, 2007

STILL BLEEDING

Okay, I'm feeling pretty shitty about myself today. I've had major brain rot and I feel so overly fat. I've been taking the Glutmetza but my diet has totally sucked and I've gained a lot of weight since the miscarriage.

Plus, I'm still bleeding this stringy brown/black stuff. It's gotten less and less over the days and maybe by next week it will be finished.

I go next week for hopefully my last beta and I think it will probably be zero or pretty low.

If/When we do IVF I would really like to drop 20 pounds before I do it. Even when I became pregnant this most recent time I was regretting that I had gained 15lbs.

Plus, I feel that I worked so hard to lose all of that weight...I've got to keep it off for good.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Looking for love in all the wrong places?

When I was dating I went out with some real losers. I went out with this one guy and we were 20 minutes into the date and he said "Why don't we grab a case of beer, go back to my place, AND SCREW." HA...yeah, buddy...you really know how to turn a girl on!

Margot's dad has been dating a Russian lady for over 10 years now and she's quite nice and a very hard worker. He met her in Brooklyn and she was a patient of his.

Many Russian women are interested in coming to the United States, meeting the perfect person, and getting married. You can actually check out the russian personals and get an idea of some of the women that are available through the online service.

The great thing is that you get their actual profile and can find out everything about the person before you meet or talk on the phone. If it doesn't look like you are compatiable with one --- then you can move on to the next!

Ugh.

I'm still bleeding this yucky black/brownish stuff. I just wonder how damn long this is going to last. I can't wait til it's over.

I just feel like each time something shitty like this happens it goes back to reminding me that it just didn't work and I'm not having a baby.

I have a friend who constantly keeps complaining about being sick and how her morning sickness is kicking her ass. I just can't be sympathetic - cause the reality is -- I'd be more than happy to be sick and God knows...I should be if I were still pregnant.

At this point... I feel like it's a real slap in the face and she should really get the fact that I don't need her constantly reminding me that she's pregnant and I'm not by complaining of the sickness.

I don't think I'm being a bitch or even hypersensitive...but I just can't imagine having a friend who recently miscarried and talking with her or emailing her and talking about the morning sickness I am having.

Today's a great day!

Today I had a great day! Grammy was so funny and cute - we had such a great time!

She also went to the potty at the mall! It's the first time she's had to go out of the house and vocalized it!

Boy, did she vocalize it!! "MAMA - PEE PEE IN THE POTTY" at the top of her lungs in the middle of the food court at the mall! Thank God we made it there in time and the pee pee flowed!

Right now she's taking her daily nap and I'm kickin' back and watching some raunchy television!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Got room?

It seems like every since the baby has arrived almost two years ago our house has gotten smaller and smaller!

We have a basement that’s full of baby crap and where we do most of our storage but it’s starting to get pretty full!

We have always been very envious of our friends who have giant garages and tons of storage space. Unfortunately, we live like trash and store junk under our carport as if it were an enclosed garage.

One option that is a possibility is self storage. Of course there are tons of options out there: Storage facilities, Storage units, or a friend’s garage!

Moving.bz offers help with your storage needs and they will provide you with quotes from local companies. Seeing as we live in the sticks, I was surprised to see that there were a few links to local companies for both storage and movers, plus links to other portal sites. The website is very clean and easy to navigate and not cluttered with distracting advertising. There are links to both mobile and stationary storage, car storage, packing supplies, real estate and mortgage resources to name a few.

They have it all!

I have no idea where we will have room to put all of our future crap. Maybe we’ll be building on to the house sooner than later!

A day off?

Hardly!

This morning I dropped Graem off at daycare thinking I would have a free day. HA!

I went to Verizon to drop my phone off cause I was having problems with it. Then I had to drop off packages at UPS (Staples) for delivery.

After that I had to go for a 9:00am appointment with my back doctor. She made me feel somewhat guilty for taking Tylenol when pregnant...augh.

Then I went to the pharmacy to pick up meds, the grocery store to pick up groceries and home.

Where I completed 2 PayPerPosts, 1 LoadLaunch, and transferred funds from PayPal.

Then -- I cleaned the whole house spotless and did 4 loads of laundry.

All in a days work for this Mama.

Oh, did I mention I made a fabulous dinner too?

Bleeding. (Might be too much info)

I started bleeding the other day after I got back from the doctor's office and assumed it was from having the internal vaginal ultrasound.

However, it's continuing and today it's actually quite a bit. I have to wear a pad. It's also a black in color and somewhat thick.

Of course, this brings back the feelings of "why me?" and "this should be the lining that's carrying my baby."

I keep wondering if I should have just done the D&C and moved forward...but I know deep down this is the best and most natural decision.

I also hope that since I'm obviously shedding the lining - that my beta is going to be 0 next week when I get it taken.

I read somewhere once it reaches 0 I should have my period within two weeks.

Yipee!

Looking for a new look?

Have you thought your old body stinks and want to start over?

I have!

Of course, our first suggestion for a plastic surgeon would be Dr. Manuel F. Chiuten in New York City. But if you live on the west coast and your looking for the job to be done right go to the best - Rodeo Drive Plastic Surgery.

If you are in the Los Angeles and only want the best in a luxury setting look no further. Los Angeles Cosmetic Surgery performed in a salon or boutique setting is here!

Dr. Lloyd Kreiger has been featured in dozens of magazines and in the national media. He operates out of the 5,000 square foot facility and has worked with nearby merchants to provide an overall makeover after surgery.

His patients can walk away with a new body, hairstyle, outfit, and an overall new sense of self!

The great thing about this is that after you get your breasts enlarged you can walk down the street to show them off at some of the classic boutiques!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

got hair?

When I was in high school my orthodontist had hair plugs installed. He was in his mid-fifties, somewhat handsome, and had a depleting widow's peak.

I remember when he had put me under with laughing gas one afternoon I started telling him how "I just loved his new hair". Later, when I woke up the nurse told me of my very kind complements and how the doctor thought that it was nice that *someone* in the office finally talked about his "new hair".

Dr. Fergueson's hair transplants looked natural and really seemed to fill in his hairline. That was about 15 years ago so I can only imagine how much better the procedures have become and how natural hair transplants look!

Blah.

Well, my birthday's in a few days and I must admit that I'm not looking too forward to it. It was suppose to be my midwife appointment and I would have been 9 weeks pregnant. SHIT.

I feel like Christmas was just a joke and that it was almost cruel to make me think that I had the best Christmas gift ever when in reality three days later I'd be robbed.

It just makes me so mad and sad at the same time.

Today I went to CNY and they did an ultrasound and bloodwork. My lining is still around 8 and considered thick. My HCG was 21 or so I don't remember the specifics. I just want this all to be over.

I talked to the nurse about moving forward and she keeps emphasizing to take time off and just make sure that my body heals...blah blah blah. I just feel like the more time I take - the shittier I feel about all of this.

I just need to get back into it and get pregnant. I think that's really the only thing that's going to make me feel better.

I also got the scripts that Dennis will need to be a known donor if we want to go that route. I don't know what his timeframe is and feel that I really can't push it...but I also feel like I should try to figure out what's going to be our next step.

IVF NJ called and said that if we were going to use Dennis that we would have to buy his sperm from a sperm bank and it would have to be quarantined for 6 months. Total bullshit if you ask me cause I could just as easily get his diseases if we did an IUI.

All of this is so damn ridiculous. I'm just glad that CNY isn't making us jump through hoops.

I think we'll just stick to the initial plan of doing our first IVF there and if it doesn't work we'll reaccess and if we go to IVF-NJ maybe we'll use Margot's eggs. I think it's ridiculous to have to go through the whole sperm bank option if we're using a known donor!!

Monday, January 15, 2007

Almost 3 weeks...

since I had the miscarriage and the other day I started spotting a little pink as I wiped. Not quite sure what to think of that. It could just be left over. I'm just worried I'm going to go to my ultrasound and bloodwork tomorrow and find out that the lining still hasn't left my body naturally and they will have to do a D&C.

I actually called today and asked the fertility center a few questions about using a known donor. Assuming that we might use Dennis in the future for an IVF cycle. In the past there was a guideline or something that stated the sperm had to be quarantined by a sperm bank tested and then we'd have to buy it back after 6 months. I found out today however, that they've changed that and all we'd have to do is have Dennis tested for STDs and then we could use his sperm. We could even use fresh specimens.

Still not sure if everyone's going to be ready at the same time to use Dennis --- but it sure would be awesome if it works. I'd love to have a baby that looked like both of us and had that genetic link.

But before we can even think about going that route we'd need to really talk it out with Dennis and even get a therpist or third party involved to go over all of the different scenarios. Sure, we can answer now and know that things might be/feel different...but I think the most important part of all of this is to just be honest and open about our feelings and committed to working out future issues.

It's all just a wait and see...who knows. Maybe this IUI will work with 2480 and I'll be pregnant -- and it will stick this time.

Stranger things have happened?

Friday, January 12, 2007

Quick! Get the IT Guy!!

Good thing we have one good IT person in the family cause it's certainly not me. When I have the computer half the time it freezes or starts making a noise like a fighter jet about to take off.

Margot promptly takes the computer away and fixes it after a good two hours.

If you own a business you know how important it is to keep your computer systems up and running. The reality is every minute they are down you are losing money.

This can be done much easier by using IT chargeback.

IT Value Management is something that all companies strive to do well. Most companies spend quite a bit on their systems and in reality it pays to have protection and an activity based costing model.

Acorn provides cost allocations and invoices within hours. They also understand spend and volume variances, while giving accurate reports of IT Management.

In the long run this helps you better manage your business and save money!

Terrible back pain...

Last night I slept so horrible. I woke up at at 2am and stayed up throughout the night. I didn't know if I was subbing or not so I didn't take any pain meds. My back has been hurting so bad.

It starts at my lower back and then goes all the way up to my shoulder blades and right where my bra snap is. It feels so tight and almost feels like I could pop it and it'd feel better.

However, I've tried every stretch, pop, and position I can think of and still no relief.

I called the doctor today and at least he prescribed me some good meds for tonight so I can actually sleep.

The next step would be a morphine patch or valium. Scary.

Rough day today...

Today I had a rough day and ended up breaking down. It could be that I'm on some pretty heavy meds for my back and have become overly emotional on them - or that I'm actually sad.

I haven't quite figured it out.

Tonight we went for our monthly couples therapy session and talked about how we were feeling about all of this etc. I think we were able to get most of the stuff out on the table - however, there are still a lot of things we need to work with.

One of them is how I feel "entitled" to being pregnant. I just feel like I've been through so much shit - that by God...I deserve it.

Then I thought back today about how 3 years ago pre-Graem I had nothing. That I should be happy for the fact that I have a beautiful, healthy daughter and hopefully, with time --- she'll get a sibling.

Just take a breath and live one day at a time.

Easier said than done.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Take me to Hawaii!

If you're heading to Hawaii - please take me!

I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii–great weather, great food, a melting pot of Asian and island cultures, and of course–MARLIN FISHING!!!

After our great experience in Las Vegas with a timeshare rentals, I think I’d like to check out Hawaii vacation rentals. With a toddler, it’s so much easier having a vacation rental with its own gourmet kitchen–but with the amenities of a resort, such as a pool, fitness center, and of course, great views of Anaeho’omalu Bay and Kileaua!

Shawna and I keep talking about doing a vacation with a few friends–how much more fun would that be?? We had such a great time with Alex and Dom in Provincetown, I can only imagine how much fun Hawaii would be! Plus sharing a 3 or 4 bedroom rental would make it a little more affordable, plus we could have meals together.

I’ll keep dreaming for now…

8 weeks.

Today I would have been 8 weeks pregnant. I didn't even realize it til this afternoon and today I felt sad but couldn't really pinpoint why.

I hope I don't remember this every Thursday and putting myself weekly through this.

Maybe I just need to move on. But it still feels like the wound hasn't healed.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Today's appontment

Today I went for a followup appointment at the Fertility Center. I had an ultrasound and bloodwork.

My HCG is now 45.5 so it is dropping. Not dropping fast enough for me -- I just hope by next week it's 0.

Also, my lining is still thick and so she said I might still bleed more. AUGH.

I just want all of this to be over already. I feel like it's dragging on forever and just wish I were ready to start up inseminations already.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Find a job!

I just heard the other day that the unemployment rate for December was around 4 percent. You’d almost think that these were untrained, uneducated people looking for work. But I’m sure that’s really not the case. Especially when I look at our local newspaper and online for jobs.

Just looking at the Cornell website and at our local newspapers there are very few jobs out there. If it’s a speciality job such as Civil Engineering Jobs or even in Margot’s field of Landscape Architecture - it seems like recruiters and other firms that are looking for employees are targeting their efforts to specialized websites.

CSIJobs offers a great and easy to use search engine for both employers and people looking for a job. It allows you to see the firm, where it’s located, and in some cases even the salary.

There are so many places where employers can waste their employment advertising money — why not make it count and market to the people who are actually looking for your type of job!

Exhausted.

I can't believe I had a nap today for around two hours and I'm still so exhausted! After I woke up I was feeling sleepy still.

Now it's 8:30pm and I feel like I could go to sleep and sleep through the night!

What's going on?

You'd almost think that I was still pregnant with these sleepy eyes.

Watching Grease!

I have a new favorite reality show "Grease"! It's the search for the new cast members of the on-broadway "Grease".

It has many of the fine traits of "American Idol" however, I miss the bitchy judges and the ditziness of of Paula Abdul.

Another great thing is that "The Apprentice" has started up again! I have it taped and each season my expectations get lower and lower.

Now, all I need is a good ole "Big Brother" to keep it real!!

Nice choppers, Charlie Brown!

I've always made it priority to get my teeth cleaned and checked every 6 months. I have a pretty good dentist and really nice dental hygenist.

However, if I lived in Alexandria I wouldn't have access to Dr. Gardner and Chris and I'd probably have to switch over to another fine doctor.

I've heard great things about Hayfield Dental Care. Most recently Margot's brother talked about his experience with Charles Brown DDS PC.

Dr. Brown has preformed thousands of procedures including crowns, root canals, and surgical procedures. So I'm sure he could probably handle my simple cleaning and x-ray every 6 months!

Something that's very important to me and speaks volumes of Dr. Brown as a dentist is that he has ZERO complaints with the Virginia Board of Dentistry. That's absolutely amazing!

Charles Brown has received numerous awards locally and even as a Resident.

Another great thing about Hayfield Dental Care is that they are accepting new patients and also open to emergency situations.

Give them a call and remember that you only have one set of adult teeth - so take care of them!

Rain. Snow. Rain. Snow.

We can't figure it out! It was beautiful this morning and totally sunny. A few minutes ago it looked like it was snowing some pretty, nice, big flakes. Then it started raining some big rain drops.

Now, it looks like the sun is going to come out again.

Welcome to Ithaca, New York - home of the diverse weather among mostly gray days!

Potty book down.

Graem has tons of books and we love buying her books cause they are so sacred to her! Also, we'd much rather spend money on a good book than on a toy that will break or is noisy!

Today she's been playing with her Potty Book. It has a button that you push and it flushes. Well, to say the least -- the batteries are dead! The book attempts to make a flushing sound but it only makes half of the noise!

It sounds like the toilet's clogged!!

Poor potty book - we're going to have to get some more batteries - SOON!

Best bang for your buck!

Anyone who's ever been on the internet can tell you that they are exposed to over 100 ads per hour of internet browsing. It's going to be interesting in the next couple of years to see the research from such internet advertising.

I remember when I was new to the internet (10 years ago) there was almost no advertising! And had I known what I know now...I would have purchased all of the great domains and become a millionaire!

If you are a company and interested in doing advertising it is best to go through the professionals who have the experience, knowledge, and background to help your organization succeed.

USWeb is an industry leader and helps of all types with their internet marketing options. It's so easy to spend tons of money on marketing and when your a business trying to make it in today's economy you've got to spend wisely.

USWeb offers one of the top search engines on the web. They are able to devise a plan that will be cost-effective for your company and bring in customers that are ready and willing to buy your product through targeting advertisements.

Whether your a big company or just starting out - don't waste your money. Go through the professionals and get top notch advise.

Change of plans

I had a doctor's appointment Thursday with the fertility center, however, I just called and rescheduled for tomorrow.

I read one of my friend's posts on the IVF board and I'm somewhat troubled. She had IVF became pregnant, miscarried, and one week later was having terrible abdominal cramps. She went to the hospital and they had to take out one of her tubes cause one of the embryos was growing in her tubes.

I've always had this fear and of course they can't just do an ultrasound and find this - they have to do laproscopic surgery and in most cases it's emergency surgery. UGH.

My friend was 8 weeks pregnant when she miscarried and 9 when they realized she had an ectopic.

I just want to be cleared! I go in tomorrow for ultrasound and bloodwork and hopefully, my levels will be back down to zero and I'll be on the right track to being able to cycle again in a few weeks.

Tom and Jerry - Quite the lifesaver!

Today with Margot home sick and Graem recovering we are taking a day to just rest up and get healthy. Graem is really a great kid.

She has watched "The Backyardigans" and now has moved on to her favorite "Tom and Jerry" or Cat and Mouse as she likes to call it!

We did purchase the "Tom and Jerry" movie that's been released pretty recently and that was a total bust. So I guess we'll just have to take the episodes that come on at 11:00pm!!

I love GOLD.

One thing that never loses it’s value is us gold coins! Even when our stocks are floundering you can always look to silver, gold, and precious metals to maintain their value.

Monex Deposit Company offers silver, gold, and other precious metals for delivery or they will make arrangements to have your metals stored privately and securely at a bank or depository.

I didn’t realize this but Monex Deposit Company (MDC) is an industry leader. They sell gold in two forms: coin or ingot. The world demand now exceeds the supply demand for gold - which makes it a pretty smart investment.

Glumetza!

Well, my doctor gave me this new med. I was on Glucophage to help with egg quality and also miscarriage. I did about 2 weeks of the med and after the horrible stomach cramps and bad case of the scoots I decided it wasn't worth it.

Well, after the miscarriage I've decided I've got to do everything right this time. Treat my body better, and even try to get over the bad effects of the medication.

So, I talked to the Nurse Practitioner and she suggested Glumetza. She said her daughter takes it and has no side effects. The only thing that sucks is the medication is pretty expensive. It's $130 per month and since that is a higher tiered drug I have to pay a $50 copay. AUGH.

I'm suppose to do 1 the first week, 2 the second week....up to 4. But I decided what the hell. Within a week I'm already up to 4 and haven't had any wicked side effects.

Now if I could just get the diet thing down. God, I love food.

Each day gets a little better...

I feel like with each day that passes I heal a little bit more. I would have never in a million years realized how hard it was to have a miscarriage.

I've had friends who have had them and I think unless you've had one ... it's really hard to relate.

I tend to have the best conversations with some of my online friends who have lost a child. Maybe it's because you can type an email without having to deal with the tears and emotionality of it all.

Also, there might be an aspect of being able to let your guard down because you know that you don't have to see them the next day after sobbing like a dweeb and have that awkward feeling.

Either way... I've been able to get by much better these days and I'm just dying to move on. I feel so stagnant and like I'm not doing anything.

Quality.

Quality and Belisi are one in the same. Peter Belisi started out as a struggling bartender and after years of watching others live the high life and not having enough money to support his family - he decided to take the biggest risk of his life.

Starting his own business in the fashion industry.

Peter Belisi is now an amazing fashion designer of ties, handbags, and other accessories that are the benchmark for high-end and luxary. After spending years with the clientele behind the scenes Peter got an idea for what they enjoy, the quality that is essential, and most importantly the style that is sought after.

All of his pieces are a work of art and guaranteed to turn heads.

Last night with the girls...

Last night we hung out with friends for Lydia's birthday. It was pretty hard to see my friend Laura who is about 11 or 12 weeks pregnant. Because I should have been 3 weeks behind her.

I can only imagine how much harder all of this gets as time goes by. I think once she starts popping out and especially this summer come her due date it's really going to be hard.

I hate to feel like I'm losing a friend over this...but I equally have such a hard time and it brings up so many emotions I just don't know how to deal with it all.

I suppose I should just pop her an email or even meet up with her to try to talk this out... I know it's not worth losing a good friendship over.

A house full of sickness.

This weekend was quite the yucky weekend. Graem was so sick and had the stomach bug - bad enough that we actually had to take her to the hospital. There they gave her IV fluids. Once she got fueled up again she seemed fine.

Today Margot is home from work with the bug. Last night she was vomiting all over the place and today she's pooping but can't keep anything down.

Poor Girls!

Good thing this good ole' immune system is working! *crosses fingers*

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Better get GEICO!

For years and years Margot had Geico insurance. It was a great insurance for a college student because they actually made everything really easy and convienant. Not to mention - that was 8 years ago before everything was on the internet.

With the internet you can do EVERYTHING online including: getting a cheap car insurance quote and even paying your bill!

Geico now offers information for teens that are just starting to drive. "Teens and Trucks" is the new information that Geico provides on it's website. The information provides teens with helpful information on how to improve their driving and also how to avoid collisions with trucks.

Not only is this information good for teens but I'm sure it's also good for anyone that's driving!

Had a moment...

of feeling sad today after a good few days. I actually cried in the shower. It just seems like time has been standing still. I just want to move on with everything and although, my body isn't quite ready (I'm still bleeding every once in a while).

I guess time will tell...

Monday, January 01, 2007

Pretty disappointed in Gar and Dar.

So, I must admit...I'm extremely disappointed in my parents. I haven't written a whole lot about it because it's always been pretty private and also I've just recently realized that my parents read my blog on our main site.

When I called to tell my dad that I was pregnant he said "Well, I know you wanted that" and basically the conversation ended somewhat cold and distant.

Over the holidays out of nowhere (mind you I haven't spoke with my mother or father in close to a year) my mother sends us a card, with ornaments, and 6 checks. 2 for Graem, 2 for me, and 2 for Margot. One check each for Christmas and one for our birthdays.

When I went to put the checks into the bank they actually popped Margot's back to me because the date on the check was 12/2007 - so they couldn't cash it. Of course, it was all too weird since I know my mother is not overly fond of Margot.

I called to thank my parents for the check. That's really a lot of money for them and they've always been very generous when it comes to helping us out and money. So I talk to my mother and she's cold as ice. She doesn't say anything unless I ask.

Finally, I ask a few seconds into the conversation if she had heard that I was pregnant. She said "yes, your father mentioned it." I then told her that I was telling them so early because I didn't want them hearing it from another source, etc.

She said "your father saw it on your website". At that point I had never really thought that anyone except for my cousin visited our website on a regular basis. Then she added "I don't go to your website." In a very cold and mean way.

So at that point without a "congratulations" or anything I ended the conversation.

Typically, I would have been pretty upset at this whole situation. Her sending money after 1 year of not speaking, her being a total cold hearted person on the phone...but at this point - nothing phases me with her.

The reality is that she's so cold and I can't imagine ever treating - even an enemy the way she's treated me, yet alone my own child.

The one thing that makes me incredibly sad and disappointed with both parents is knowing that my dad views my website and through this whole miscarriage ordeal hasn't once emailed or called to see how I'm doing.

God, that's shitty. I really hope I never grow that distant from my children or have that much hate and resentment for them that I can't just be vulnerable in a time of need.

Feel like crap

This morning I woke up and felt like absolute crap. I have cramps, I'm bleeding like a stuffed pig, and I feel hung over!

We played video games til 3:30 in the morning so I'm really sure that didn't help much.

I just want this whole miscarriage thing to be over! Mentally I feel like I'm better and only cried once yesterday. (Not that that's the only indicator) But I just want to stop bleeding!

Last night I started taking Glucophage and started back on the prenatal vitamin. I figured the glucophage can't help and it might even help with egg quality. I am going to ask and see if I can get a 2 hour glucose test done to see if the metformin will actually help with egg quality.

No use in taking the med if it isn't going to help!