So it's been forever since I've actually had a good conversation with my parents and there's a side of me that says "fuck them"...but a much bigger side of me that really wants to have a relationship with family. Any family.
It makes me jealous almost to see our friends who are close with their parents and brothers and sister because I wish I had a supportive family.
The last time I had the need to talk with family -- I called and left a message on the answering machine of my parents. Much to my credit, I was having some symptoms of diabetes, peeing many times, thirsty, and just an overall poor diet. So, I called and left a message on my parent's answering machine.
My dad returned my call within few hours to tell me that our family history did not have diabetes and it was a very distant conversation. He said my mother had lost a lot of weight and that they were working out and eating better. He didn't ask how Margot or Graem was and that was pretty painful.
Then for some stupid reason I told him that I had a chemical/miscarried pregnancy. Almost like I just wanted him to say "I'm sorry" or "God, that sucks." But he didn't say a word.
I guess I really should just move on and realize that my parents suck and that they'll never be part of my life. Every time they are... things just go crazy and dysfunctional.
I can't imagine not giving a shit about Grammy's life or not talking to her for months at a time. Even if I was mad at her or we had a fight... I'd forget my pride and make sure that we connected. Especially if I knew she really needed a parent...
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