10 days past ovulation

So here I am 10 days past ovulation - 3 days til I do my beta and I'm not quite sure what to think.

I promised Margot I wouldn't do a HPT and so I really have no idea if it worked or not. I'm dying to test because it would be either negative or positive today and I think it'd be a pretty clear indicator. Especially since I bought the good tests.

I've had some cramping and I can't tell if it's period cramps or other cramping. It's more sharp cramping on either side than dull cramping in the middle.

Also, I've had a little bit of nausea that comes and goes -- but I haven't really had much in the past few days.

My boobs aren't sore and I haven't gained any weight.

One thing that I realized is because I will more than likely be substituting Wednesday I can't get my blood test. AUGH.

So, I'm probably going to take a HPT Tuesday night and then go Thursday for my blood test. Unless I can get to the hospital by 3:00 and then hopefully, call by 4:00pm to get the results Wednesday.

It's weird cause I feel pretty emotional the past few days and overall just plain shitty. I feel like maybe this didn't work and I'm just sick of getting the short end of the deal. I feel like I've already been through so much and why can't this just fucking work already.

Sorry for the profanity -- but anyone who's been through this knows it's not easy and even though you try to be sensible there's nothing sensible about not getting pregnant after $45,000 of infertility treatments.